The impending visit of a dear friend causes me to reflect, a bit, on the loses we all experience in life. Our friend and his wife have begun the adoption process six times thus far. Although they have successfully adopted two children (who are awesome, by the way), they have experienced various types of loses of the other children. Most recently, the child they planned to adopt this summer was lost to stillbirth.
Losses, known about in advance or sprung upon us suddenly, change how we view the world. These losses can taint our future experiences. We become wary of experiences that are meant to give us joy. These types of losses show us that yes, indeed, the worst CAN actually happen. We tell ourselves so many times throughout our lives that, "Oh, that won't happen" (because most of the time it doesn't), but those of us who have experienced these types of losses know that it really can happen. Yes, most likely I will not get in a car accident on the way home today and be killed, ... but it could happen. And, someone will actually have this happen to them today --could be me. I'm not special and somehow exempt from tragedy.
The only way I've been able to wrap my head around this is to come to the point where I can say, "Yes, this could happen, it's pretty unlikely, but it could. I have few options when dealing with this. So, I can let myself lose myself thinking about all the coulds or I can just live for today and hope for the best -- appreciate today and what I have because it really IS wonderful." This was not an easy thing for me to do. I must admit, I still struggle with this. Losses happen in life -- most of the time we have NO way of anticipating them. Even if we can anticipate them, oftentimes we can do NOTHING about them. The only thing we can control is how we react to them. This is big.
Our friends are still suffering from this most recent loss --- I know they still suffer from all of their losses. You don't 'get over' or 'get past' losing children ... it just doesn't happen. You learn to live with what it is and go about your lives the best you can -- finding even more beauty in all that you already have.
I think, perhaps, this is the lesson for all of us. It's just sad that we don't really learn this until we've experienced the type of loss that literally shakes us to our core.
Live today. Love what you have ... it really is wonderful.
